December 3, 2022
Thankfully, our Christmas looks nothing like the movie Four Christmases…at least other than the fact that we have four Christmases, sometimes five. I suppose the crazy family fun and antics, and yes tensions, tend to come out as well, but in general we’re not quite as dramatic.
There are definitely some challenges that come up with having so many Christmases, and really just the holidays in general when you’re celebrating everything in quadruplicate (triplicate really sounds so much better doesn’t it?). For me, I’ve always had at least two of every holiday, sometimes even four if we celebrated with my stepmom’s side and my stepdad’s side also. Dan’s had two of most things for a while as well, so we’re at least both somewhat used to celebrating on days other than the actual day and the logistics that go into planning so many events.
We are very much still learning how to balance the holidays now that we’ve gotten married and have even more holiday celebrations to organize or attend. This is in no way a how to guide. Last Thanksgiving (2021) we were in Montreal, had just gotten married, Dan had just moved, so that was a pretty easy decision to make when we said we wouldn’t be travelling back to the US for Thanksgiving. My dad, Tricia, and Finley came to visit us though which was so much fun. We were able to host our first Thanksgiving and, though we missed all of our other family, we so enjoyed the ease of one Thanksgiving.
Christmas 2021 was a horse of a different color. That year we really did have five Christmases, all of which were special and so fun, but afterwards we were exhausted. It was our first Christmas married and we knew it would be a learning curve. Overall, I think it helped us get on the same page about not being able to handle five Christmases long term. It sounds harsh to say, or at least to type, but I’m realizing you have to be honest with yourself and others, and think long term. Part of what makes the holidays so special is the traditions that build over generations. If you’re so strung out trying to take part in every one else’s traditions, you will never have time to make some of your own. For now, we’re ok making that sacrifice to ensure we see all of our family every holiday, but when we start our own family it’s going to be important to build traditions of our own or find ways that we can honor the traditions of our families, but within our own home.
It’s only been more recently that I’ve truly realized that celebrating a holiday not on the actual day, or at least on a day other than what you’re used to, can be tough on people who aren’t used to it. Especially if young kids are involved, the holidays often take on a kind of magical feeling…one that so much rescheduling can dampen a bit. I point this out to say that I’ve had to, and am still trying to, learn grace when it comes to juggling so much family and so many gatherings for the holidays. It’s a uniquely special time that everyone has opinions about, traditions, preferences, and memories that they want to honor or recreate. It’s not easy being the ones in the middle having to try to make it to everyone’s Thanksgiving or Christmas, but it’s not easy being the family members who are asked to be extremely flexible with their traditions and time either.
Sometimes it feels like a balancing act and looking forward to when we do have kids, I’m still not sure how we’ll do it. But I think to start, having a Thanksgiving last year where we could build some of our own traditions and host for the first time was a great opportunity. This year, we’ll be staying in Arizona for Christmas so hopefully we’ll have a similar chance to find out some of the things we want to hold as our traditions moving forward. It’s a mixed bag of feeling excited for that and sad that we won’t be there with our families for Christmas. On a very small scale, we have a couple family traditions that we know at this point we’ll be continuing in our own home this year, and it feels so special.
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